Adoption Diaries

So for now I am going to be documenting our journey through adoption. We are literally just now starting with everything, but the biggest step was the decision to adopt.

The Decision...
We have always thought adoption was great and definitely a possibility for the future...we just didn't know that God was not planning adoption for our future, but more for our present. In fact a few months ago I told Ryan that after we have our own biological baby, I would love the chance to provide a family for child that doesn't have a family. Through all of our trips to the fertility doctor we kept praying that God would bless us with a baby. During this time, adoption just kept coming up. I kept praying "Yes God I am more than willing to adopt....but after I have my own biological child" (a little selfish I know) or "Please God not right now. There is so much I want to experience with pregnancy." and even "God if you want this now, you are going to have to change my heart to want this now." I'm sure God got tired of my selfish prayers, so he closed a door.

More Bad News...
Through a series of events, we found out that having a child of our own was just not a reality, at least not without many procedures and not for a very long time. In fact on our own, we only have less than a 5-10% chance. God is big and he can do anything. I don't doubt at all that he could create life in me, but there has to be some reason he is not answering our prayers. I mean he wouldn't create this huge need for a child to love in both Ryan and I, if he was not going to provide us with one, would he?

Then Came the Tears...
I thought I would never cry as much as I did when I miscarried but I was wrong. Reality just hits you like a ton of bricks. I decided that it is what it is and Ryan and I are the way we are. God obviously made us this way, so I might as well just accept it. It was time to finally listen to what God wants instead of what I want. Accepting it doesn't make the hurt go away, but God did exactly what I prayed for him to do. He changed my heart. We went to eat with friends just a few hours after we found out the bad news . The more I talked about adoption with friends and with Ryan, the better I felt about it. What really made it clear was a phone call from my sister (who knew nothing about our decision at that point). She had just had a long conversation with someone that had adopted and wanted to share the idea with me. It finally became a new exciting experience that God had chosen me and Ryan to be a part of. Not everyone gets to experience the selfless love that adoption brings. It has totally changed my way of thinking. I don't look a adoption as a last resort, I look at it as something I should have thought of in the first place.

When God Closes One Door...
God is definitely making it clear that we are on the right path. He is opening up lots of doors. We sat down with both of our families and discussed the new path we were on and to our surprise, everyone was very supportive of our decision. Today was our first official day calling adoption agencies and getting paper work together. There is soooooo much that is involved in adoption and it can become very overwhelming very quickly. We have found several places that we have a connection with. There are lots of other decisions to make but one we are both in agreement on is that we want to adopt domestically.

Thank you to all of the mothers that choose to keep their babies and put them up for adoption for families like ours. It is such a sacrafice and you will never know just how appreciated you are!

~Sarah